Teenagers are a different breed of human beings.
They are no longer children and would feel insulted if they were approached as such.
On the other hand, they are not adults either and do need some support (although their craving for independence is forceful).
Adolescence = Independent
Teenagers are a different breed of human beings.
They wake up every day to a brain that is in the process of rewiring. The neural pathways, that were stable before, are broken down and replaced by new ones. This leads to significant internal instability. So it does not come as a surprise that the main motivation of teenagers is, to maintain their poise.
As I have mentioned in a previous post “teenagers are focussing on independence“.
The mere fact that they need us is already an insult on their self-image.
What if they cannot stay independent?
The second best is to remain “cool”.
That would mean to show emotions as limited as possible.
Emotions in any way are scary, and the easiest way to deal with them is to suppress them.
How to break the ice?
Teenagers are a different breed of human beings.
For this group of patients, I love to state during the greeting (first 7 seconds) that I am, unfortunately for them, the least “cool” doctor in the hospital. I display this act of performance in the phase of the greeting, that I refer to as the “Just be Odd“-phase. To emphasize their position, I often state that they win any “coolness”-contest with me.
This is no way near what they expected from a doctor. I deliberately undermine already any sense of my “superiority”.
I don’t want them to see me as “judge” or “authority” over them. I offer my expertise as a supportive guide.
Breaking the ice with tools
One way to show my “oddness” became evident during COVID, when I presented myself with my painted facemask (see below).
My aim with a teenager is to make them smile before we enter the examination room.
Breaking ice with words
Teenagers are a different breed of human beings.
When I give my standard 5 opening sentences (as described in “How to structure the consultation“), I immediately apologize and tell them that these childish sentences work better with the younger population. Non surprisingly, most teenagers have smiled at least once at this point of our interaction.
Look for it! As soon as I see a hint of a smile, I call them out, “Wow, was that a smile?”
When they have smiled, I am happy to proceed.
When they don’t smile, I apologize for this lame attempt to make them smile, taking the blame on me, and not expecting anything from them.
And then?
Then I apply the SCARF-approach that I have described previously. And these need to be adjusted for teenagers, as teenagers are a different breed of human beings.
As mentioned before, we can use specific steps for respect to flourish. These steps have the acronym “SCARF”.
David Rock formulated this concept in his work about change management.
The acronym stands for:
- Status
- Certainty
- Autonomy
- Relatedness
- Fairness
In a nutshell:
Teenagers need the SCARF approach as well, with the added emphasis of giving them the upper hand as much as possible to cater for their destabilized self-image.
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