Instead of reading, could you also just listen …
Distance is important in non-verbal communication. Depending on the distance to another person, we instinctively react with a hard-wired set of responses.
Here is an illustration:
Cheetah versus Antelope
During a visit to Botswana, I came to see a cheetah lying on the slope of a termite mound, completely relaxed. There was nothing around, so the animal saved as much of its energy as possible. This lasted until a group of antelopes passed by in some distance.
Initially, the cheetah only gazed at them, then sat upright with more tension, the eyes fixed on the possible meal. As the group loafed slowly closer, there was a moment, when the cheetah saw a realistic chance of a catch, and she squatted down in the high grass to get closer to the prey. The antelopes were still unaware of the threat, and they continued their way towards the location of the cheetah. Then suddenly she leapt. She sprinted towards the antelopes, who turned around and ran for their life. This time the attack failed.
Distance is important in non-verbal communication in the animal world. The behaviour of the prey is closely related to the proximity of a predator.
How is that with humans?
When someone else is far away from me, I don’t care. Distance is essential in non-verbal communication.
When he or she comes closer, I start to take notice and start to observe. This concept of “flight distance” or “critical distance” is extensively described in the book of Edward T. Hall, “The hidden dimension”.
When the other person comes even closer, I need to make a move. Either I freeze (= “becoming invisible”), withdraw (= flight) or confront them (= attack).
This concept of “safe space” appears to be hard-wired into our brains. But why is that?
The world is a place full of predators, and we just don’t want to be eaten, so we keep a safe distance. This is the background for politeness and respectful interactions.
In any first encounter with a stranger, we demand some space as “private”. This demand is the same for children as for adults.
Are children different from adults?
Yes, …
… they are smaller!
Additional to the horizontal distance, there is also the difference in height that plays a role in any first encounter. The next blog will cover this aspect.
Furthermore, children get less space granted by strangers because they are “so cute”. The stranger might want to come close and interact, while the child first wants to check out the situation.
But, distance is important in non-verbal communication.
What if the border is crossed?
If a stranger comes closer than 50 cm, we feel instinctively appalled and move backwards, to get ourselves out of the situation.
When the stranger continues to close this gap, our only chance is, to dig our heels in and to “stand our ground”.
Any physical contact apart from shaking hands would often be experienced as a violation of our personal space.
It is obvious how this “forced” interaction triggers fear and makes any cooperation unlikely.
In a nutshell:
If we invade the personal space of another person without permission, they will consider this as a hostile act.
Communication lives on comments … fancy to share yours?