What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

Negative feelings tell me something

We all long for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. We all suffer, when we don’t find these in our hearts.

So when the opposite emotions arrive, we try to suppress them. To numb them away with distractions (oh, what are you doing right now?)

My emotions are mine. In the sense, that they might be triggered by you, or your actions, but their root is in my heart. So I can deal with this side of the story, without waiting for you to change.

I am learning , that every negative emotion wants to tell me something. Let’s look at them one by one:

Hate instead of love:

Negative feelings tell me something

Both emotions demonstrate a connection. Hate is just a very negative one. But underneath the rejection, hostility and fight lies actually a longing for communion. If only I can accept that you are like me in some parts and not like me in others. If only you can learn to accept me as I am. But I have no influence or you, so I might remain frustrated in our difference.

My way out of hate is on the one hand to stopp longing for your approval (I get that from my heavenly father) and on the other hand to see you as someone placed here on this planet with me (by him). God challenges me with you. And when I am getting mad, I am mad at him, not you. But try to argue with God. You always loose your case.

Misery instead of joy:

Negative feelings tell me something

We mistake external circumstances for the reason for our joy. And when the circumstances change, we loose hope for joy and feel betrayed. Deep down we think that we are entitled to a happy joyful life. And when it doesn’t materialize, or even just when it is not perfect, we wail in misery.

My way out of this? Realizm and Gratitude.

Realizm, that life sucks sometimes. Nothing here is permanent. This is not home and building my life in what this world has to offer is building my life on a shaky ground. Realizm tells me also, that I am a creature, I am no God. My world has 5 dimensions not four: length, width, height, time and God. With God in the equation, everything looks quite different. A troubled time becomes preparation time, a lack triggers longing, adversities redirect my view in new directions.

And then gratitude for all that is, that I have, that I can. I did not give myself life, and yet I am living. I did nothing to deserve this body, And yet I enjoy it’s functioning. I carry this brain, so I better use it. All these things for me point back to the giver, the creator of the universe, the only real transgender entity, who fully encoporate masculinity and feminity in harmonic unity.

Restlessness instead of patience:

Negative feelings tell me something

We all want patience, now. The timing seems to be always off. This is, because we think, that we need to run the show, that we are the puppet masters, we need to push and control everything. When we look closely, we might realize, how limited our power actually is.

Again it helps me, to add the faith dimension (God) into the equation. He is the best time keeper. His timing was often slower than I wanted, but in the end perfect. Patience comes from actively deciding to trust in him.

Mercilessness instead of kindness:

Negative feelings tell me something

Social media is often described as an echo chamber, amplifing my own thoughts back to me. Living in my own universe and relentlessly and merciessly hunting down, those who seem to disagree. Humans are built to be quick to judge. This is to protect ourselves from hositilies. Kindness is here mistaken as weakness.

When I allow myself to step one moment out of the centre of this universe and to just imagine, that this was not all about me, the horizon opens. Suddenly more diverse views become possible. I might learn, that this is not a win-loose game. I am not God, but part of his creation. As his subordinate I might reflect his attributes into my interactions with fellow subordinates, thus showing kindness, even unprovoked.

Corruption versus goodness:

Negative feelings tell me something

My needs yell loud. They require to be fulfilled. And in combination with impatience they cry out to be satisfied right here right now. Even if I have to go to extreme measures, my will be done.

Here our troubles become very evident: We are unable to fill the holes in our hearts, because nothing on this planet will ever fully satisfy us permanently. So we dream about more of the same, more clothes, more drinks, more money, more hassle. And we don’t take a body count of our victims in the process. We become cruel and hardened. Others are only means to an end: the fulfillment of our needs.

And my way: Accept my position as gifted (= passive recipient) with grace undeserved. The source is my heavenly father, who adopted me by his choice. I am nothing special. But now I long for a friendship with the creator of the universe and nothing less.

Living in this relationship forces me to long to mirror his ways in my small ways. For example by writing this blog at 05:00am instead of sleeping.

Judgment versus gentleness:

Negative feelings tell me something

As I said before, we are quick to judge, because we try to keep ourselves safe. We errect boundaries, claiming some haven behind them, excluding the majority of others. I am not sure whether you have noted the increasing numbers of zombie games, were floods of zombies are threatening the gardens and exclusion zones of the brave ones. One effect of these games is to dehumanize the “other”. But the other is me. At least to loads of people.

The only true judgement will be in the end by only one true and all knowing judge. He who knows all inns and out, all circumstances and hidden motivations. There will be a judgement. How do I know? Because the way through this judgement is what we celebrate at Easter. Death and resurrection. Trusting a God who takes guilt so seriously that he tores himself in pieces at the cross on Golgatha. And who’s grace calls his son out of death. And the most crazy thing? He did this for us.

There is a motivation for gentleness with fellow human beings. Because my judge had mercy on me and showed me gentleness.

Emotion driven instead of self control:

Negative feelings tell me something

What drives me in life? Am I at the steering wheel of my life’s car, or am I just a passenger driven by my emotions? Any negative emotion tells me of a need. And then I might work to find a way to fulfill this need. But my emotions are triggered, they are not the cause, they are voices, they are not the substance. They make bad drivers, although they might provide energy to push me out of the routine, the known, the comfort zone.

My emotions are like spices of life, but are not life itself . They don’t last. God does last, forever!

Everything new triggers either fear or curiosity